i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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