just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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