I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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