Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
