I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
