a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had sex on a dog bed..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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