your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
