Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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