Where did you get a picture of my penis
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
