We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to calm my uterus...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
