She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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