you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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