Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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