About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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