I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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