Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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