Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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