you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
