my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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