I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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