Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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