Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
