Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
they're like a gay fantastic four
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
