I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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