Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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