I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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