i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
