I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
