I faked an abortion last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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