They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
