I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
