you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
