Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
