i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
