I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she told me i tasted like america
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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