Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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