he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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