So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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