I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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