I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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