My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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