I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
