That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
