Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
