you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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