Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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