you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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