Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your penis caused this!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
