Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
