i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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