I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
