the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
