420 ftw
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
