you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
