Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
