this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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