what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
