I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
how does that bad decision feel?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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