so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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