I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think my fart just growled at me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
