On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
