Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
