Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
