I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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