If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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