The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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