Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
