I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
