i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
